Underwater Lava…Is Still Unstoppable.
10,000 feet below the sea lies a volcano. Not just any volcano, one goozing hot lava into the ocean. We all know that water puts out fire but will it lava? The answer is no. How can this be that even the sea cannot stop this extreme phenomena. Researchers are stumped as to what the solution to this problem might actually be. Top experts within the country have suggested putting a plug-in it but others remain skeptical. “We just don’t have any evidence nor can we find a manufacturer who is able to build a plug for us that will stop this volcano from gushing lava all over the ocean floor,” Said Mindy Rivershaw, captain of the research vessel named aptly ‘Surprise. Surprise?’. “We just don’t know what will happen. Most of us are worried the whole ocean will be filled with lava.”
After all isn’t it our job to make sure this
underwater lava crisis is averted?
Marty Spooner of Broomfield Colorado thinks he may have some answers. “In Colorado there is the snow and the Rocky Mountain Range. If we can secure enough funding from grants than we can hire contractors to remove the most snow filled tops of the mountains and deliver those mountaintops into the ocean as a cooling mechanism. At only a modest 12% reduction to the mountains.”
Protesters after hearing this message from the public works director arrived at shops in the vicinity of town hall smashing one small Star Bucks kiosk and later orchestrated a synchronized urination on a nearby public wall. Police were not interested enough to show up due to threats, made on Facebook by protesters thought to be at the scene, stating that they had not bathed for some time.
Health Concerns Aside Ocean Lava is a Threat to the entire Pacific
After a debate on how to get funding, researchers funded on the same non-funded account that had yet to be underfunded but had been approved to be credited under miscellaneous was processed anyhow. The submarine was wrote off as a toiletry. Other research equipment, including the sundries, were written off under descriptions such as dishware and beauty products. Through this loophole the expedition members found that lava on the bottom of the ocean was just as tenacious as expected. “We do not plan on collecting any. Really.” John Schtepaughner said before rushing off to look busy.
Researchers did say that they shot hours of awesome GoPro footage mainly used for sending e-cards to friends and loved ones. To a degree of disappointment, the team did manage to calculate the flow of lava which they estimated to be 100,000 liquid tons per hour.
“Oh yeah, that is enough to kill us all pretty soon we think.” George Williams, Senior Botanist on board the U.S.S. Surprise. Surprise?
When people get this message we hope they can chill out and enjoy the next few months before the lava has covered most of the earth releasing ridiculously un-scientific amounts of dioxide into the air ensuring the extinction of most plant life. Please enjoy yourself. Have a good day.